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Call 0906 466 0040 to order a Comedy Voicemail
Please check that you phone is compatible with with our compatibility guide

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After the tone please leave your name, number, where you live and where you left the money........

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Ah hello, we are home right now but we can't answer the phone.....

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Ah yeah, hi. We're still not back from our journey into cyberspace.....

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Ahh hello there! He went out for 15 minutes half an hour ago and he won't be back for 2 hours........

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As the drugs take hold, you'll feel like you're losing your grip on reality.....

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At the tone, from the time you called you will have exectly 5 seconds less remaining in your life *BEEP*......At the tone, from the time you called you will have exectly 10 seconds less remaining in your life *BEEP*......

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Beer festival Ja hello, these people having so much fun drinking de beer.....

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Cat miow This phone line has been connected to a 5000 volt power supply that has been wired to the small kitten......

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Duh, helloooo. If you're calling with bad news please leave your message now, if you're calling with good news then please wait for the tone

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Err, Hello, I'm not here right now because tonight I start serving a 30 year term in the State Department of corrections for politically incorrect statements........

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Errr, hello, we cannot come to the phone right now.....

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Everything you say will be under oath, you have the right to remain silent anything you do say will be recorded and used against you .......

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Explosion Hello and thank you for calling.We are at our online bomb making seminar .....

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FOUR ALPHA, TEST...OF...SOFTWARE. Revision 2.1. Counting down to test 3...2...1.....

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FOXTROT, LIMA, ALPHA, SIERRA, HOTEL. Key destruct sequence now. This terminal also accepts voice messages.....

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Fun in bed! Hi, my wife and I can't get to the phone right now but if you leave your name and number, we'll get back to yoooooooooooooooooooou! .....

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Gagged woman -----> Man: Hello, I'm sorry but nobody here can come to the phone right now as they are all tied up.....

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German Accent Ja, hello. please leave your name and number after ze tone..�

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GONG Herro, We no home, but if you weave message we call you soon, if you leave sexy message, we call you sooner.....

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Goodday passengers, welcome to flight 416 flying non stop to the beep.Please store all messages in the overhead mailbox provided.....

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Greetings Earthlings, I am an extra terrestrial from the planet Hmhuumugh.....

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Greetings, I am a fully integrated, state of the art, digitally enhanced voicemail unit........

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Gunfire in background Hello, we're a little pinned down right now.......

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Hello and thanks for calling but we really couldn't come to terms with the fact that the phone was ringing.....

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Hello and welcome to the multiple choice voicemail greeting system. We cannot take your call at the moment because A) We are surfing the internet B) We're on another call or C).....

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Hello and welcome to word a day hotline after the tone please leave you name and number and create your own sentence using todays new word. Todays word is Corpronegropediaphilia .......

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Hello! God speaking, please leave your name, number and prayer......

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Hello, *screams* You have reached Helgars house of hair removal.....

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Hello, around the world, millions still speak French as their first or second language. With your help we can wipe out French.......

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Hello, city morgue. You kill 'em, we chill 'em!......

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Hello, err, what I am saying?....There is no one here...Well, there is but not as I speak.....

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Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, errr, we must be having some technical difficulties.....

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Hello, I don't have a lot of rapour with anything that I can't reason with.....

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Hello, I'm sorry, you'vr reached an imaginary number, please rotate your equipment by 90 degrees and try your call again.....

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Hello, I'm unable to take your call in person because I'm having an out of body experience, in fact, I am stood right behind you.....

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Hello, look, I'm sorry but I'm far too depressed to come to the phone .......

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Hello, please leave message after smoke signal .....

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Hello, please leave your name, number and a brief message......

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Hello, thanks for calling *bang bang bang* We are reinacting the crucifixion so you could say that we are just hanging around......

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Hello, the number you are calling from has been traced and your details forwarded to an online spam centre called badsexgirls.com .....

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Hello, we're not home right now but I can take a message, hang on, I'll just get a pencil. (Crashing sound) oh sh*t....ok, shoot

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Hello, you have reached the fidelity sperm helpline......

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Hello, you know they say that its better to give someone a net and to teach them to fish than it is to just give them a fish, so I'm on the net now, learning how to fish......

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Hello, you know what to do at the tone.......

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Hello, you know, being reicarnated as a voicemail machine is de pits.....

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Hello, you've reached an answerperson, I don't get paid to respond but anything you say after the tone will be memorised to the best of my.........thingamy.....

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Hello, you've reached the Post Office. After the tone, please write a letter and allow 4 to 6 weeks for us to get back to you.....

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Hello..we..can't..get..to..your..call..right..now.........

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Hey! Hi, can you help me...please? Can you help me? I'm stuck down here in the phone.......

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Hey! Hi, I'm pretending that I'm marooned on a desert island with Linda Carter, Sharon Stone and Rachel Hunter. Since I don't have a phone here, you could leave me a message in a bottle after the beep .....

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Hi and thanks for calling during our spring pledge drive. A basic membership is only $30.....

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Hi! Is Kevin there? ....oh...you called me....oh...ok....well....erm...Leave a message.....

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Hi, if you're calling about an outstanding debt or you're selling something or requesting a charitable donation then please leave your message before the tone.......

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Hi, thanks for calling but we're in the shower, that's right, your friend and me, all soaped up.......

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Hi, this is Johan advising you that you spend way too much time on the phone. Go outside...See the world...Live a little...have fun! .....

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Hi, we are at home but we are avoiding someone please leave your name and number to find out if it's you!......

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Hi, we are home but we are cleaning our weapons. Please leave your name *bang*, your number *bang* .....

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Hi, we can't come to the phone right now because we're down in the basement printing off a batch of $20 bills if you need any money or you just want to admire our handywork please leave your name and number and how much cash you need.....

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Hi, we're sorry that we can't answer the phone right now, please leave a message and then wait by your phone until someone calls you back .....

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Hi, we're still not back from our journey into cyberspace .....

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Hi, you've reached Joes crematorium. You kill 'em, we grill 'em!.....

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Hi, you've reached Susans message parlour.....

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Horse Racing And they're off...It's nobody can take your call jumping into an early lead, followed by leave your message after the tone......

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Man drowning in water. Other man---> What he's trying to say is there's noone here to take your call right now..�

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Oh hello, I cannot take your call right now cos I'm out getting my ankles tattooed......

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Scottish accent Hello, are you calling me? Sure, I'm just leaving the house.......

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Splashing water sound Hi, I can't get to the phone right now as I am a bit tied up with this Crocodile.....

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Thank you for calling the suicide hotline.......

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T-minus 10 9 8.....You have reached strategic air command nuclear missile storage facilty....�

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Vacuum cleaner sound Oooh hello, yes, we are just out getting a new cockatoo .....

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Waltzing Matilda in background Well G'day, how ya goin'? Listen, I'm not here right now, but I'll tell ya what, this voicemail recorder thingy here is so clever.....

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WARNING, WARNING, WARNING, This voicemail system has a very short attention span and it will hang up on your if you leave a message that is boring....

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We interrupt this phone call to advise you of an important development. Please stand by. THIS WAS A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY VOICEMAIL TELEPHONE SYSTEM. HAD IT BEEN A REAL EMERGENCY, YOUR CALL WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN INTERRUPTED........

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Well hello there brothers and sisters and thank y'all for calling here......

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Whipping sounds Hello, this phoneline has been hijacked by www.whipme.com .......

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X-Files Music Hi, We've all been captured by a flying saucer.....

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Yaaa, hello there, please don't adjust your telephone, we have taken control........

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Yeah, hi. These folks recorded this stupid thing for the phone.......

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You have reached the CPX 2002 voice blackmail system. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and being stored.........

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You're growing tired, your eyelids are getting heavy, you feel very sleepy now.....

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You've reached Pornography Films Unlimited......

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Call 0906 466 0040 to order a Comedy Voicemail
Please check that you phone is compatible with with our compatibility guide

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Calls cost �1.50 per minute at all times and last approximately 2.5 minutes. You should be over 16 to use this service. Some mobile operators may charge more for this service so we recommend you use a landline. Ensure you have the bill payers permission and that your phone is compatible. If you have any problems contact our helpline on 0870 800 0422 or by email.

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