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! Nokia Ringtones & Operator Logos

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Call 0906 466 0040 to order a Comedy Voicemail
Please check that you phone is compatible with with our compatibility guide

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10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1. It's time to talk.

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A is for academics...B is for beer..One *burp* of those is the reason we're not here.....

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Aerobics And 5, 6, 7, 8, can't talk right now, stretch it up 2, 3......

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After the tone please leave your name and number and where you left the money.....

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Chainsaw sound - Thank you for calling but the doctor is in surgery...

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Chanting in background Welcome to the afterlife voicemail system. If you're trying to reach heaven, please press 1.....

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Chicken clucking You've reached the headquarters of the chicken labour union coalition ...�

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Don't you do that now, don't you dare! I don't wanna hear it......

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Errr. Hi. This may seem a little odd but I'm the microwave oven....

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French Lady This is the French gourmon with a delicious answering machine recipe.....

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German accent Ja, hello, these people having so much fun drinking de beer...�

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Goodday passengers. Welcome to flight 416 flying non stop to beep.....

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Greetings Earthlings, I am an extra terrestrial from the planet Hmhuumugh.....

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Hello and welcome to the top 5 reasons to hang up now if you're a salesman. Number 5, we probably don't want one anyway, number 4, we don't have enough money for your imaginary high priced product. Number 3, we said no the first time .....

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Hello darling, Nando here, looking marvellous. Please leave a message after the tone so I can hear you because I'm sure you sound marvellous.....

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Hello friends, and thanks for calling Flatulence Anonymous. All of our councillors are pretty occupied right now.....

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Hello, *tapping the mic* Testing (whispers, How do I leave a message on this thing?) ......

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Hello, did you know that your advertisement could appear in this space for just $4.99 per day? ......

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Hello, God speaking. Please leave your name, number and prayer after the tone....

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Hello, I am home right now but I can't find the phone, please leave a long loud message and help me locate it....

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Hello, I can't take your call right now as I seemed to have contracted some kind of attention deficit disorder.....

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Hello, I can't talk right now 'cos I've got ....errrr amnesia and I feel a bit stupid talking to people I don't remember......

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Hello, I'm not home right now but I can take a message, so just hang on while I get a pencil......

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Hello, I'm the latest Windows 2000 compliant XS 486 voicemail recorder and I'm equipt with a Pentium mark 7 processor to ensure that nothing can go wrong...go wrong...go wrong.....

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Hello, please leave your name, number and a brief message.....

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Hello, there's nobody here right now....

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Hello, this is Bob the burglar here, the owner ain't home right now, so if you wanna leave a message, please do so, but it won't matter cos I'm gonna take the answer phone.....

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Hello, we're not here but please leave a message for our dog.....

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Hello, what am I saying....There's no-one here. Well....there is but not as I speak.....

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Hello, you have reached the North American air defence contract centre. Stand by at the tone to give coordinates and destination ...

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Hey baby, this is the love doctor, I'm at the bedside of a very special patient.....

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Hey.... Hi! Can you help me? Can you help me? I'm stuck down here in the phone......

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Hi the voicemail machine is broken right now so this is the fridge. Please leave your message when the light goes out....

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Hi, I can't come to the phone right now, you see, this morning I accidently took 2 laxative tablets along with my prozac and now I can't get off the can but I'm really happy about it.....

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Hi, we're not in right now but if you'de like to leave a message please press hash, press 3 then dial your name press 6 the dial your number......

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Hi, yeah, you've reached mother nature. I'm not in right now, I'm just a little busy trying to get ready for spring....

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Hi, you've reached Tim and Sonia. We can't come to the phone right now because we're both doing something we really enjoy......

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Horse racing commentator And they're off, its nobody can take your call jumping into an early lead followed closely by please leave a message after the tone.....

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Hypnotist You're growing tired, your eyelids are getting heavy, you feel very sleepy now.....

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If you leave your message at the sound of the kitty, we'll get right back to you.

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Ladies and Gentlemen, Lords and Ladies, Dukes and Duchesses, Prince and Princess'esses.....

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Loud music is background Hang on, hang on....Let me turn this down... Hang on......Hang on. Music stops. Please leave me a message.�

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Monty Python Oooh hello, you've reached theMonty Python silly voices preservation society.....

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Movie Trailer From the person you've tried to reach comes..Answering Machine, The story of a phone that just kept ringing.....

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She traced the line down his chest towards his raging manhood.....

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Shouting in background Hello, this is the Jones residence and we're in the middle of a family fight right now...�

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So you've decided to give us a call. Well, we're not here. Did you think we had nothing better to do than sat here waiting for you to ring up.........

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Thank you for calling Learn Japanese in 20 seconds a day. Are you ready? Lets begin.....

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! Nokia Ringtones & Operator Logos

Thank you for dialling Dial an Asshole. All our assholes are busy right now......

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Toilet Flushing Hello, incontinence hotline...�

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Very kindly confine your remarks to a brief message.

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Welcome to the telephone weather report, bringing up-to-date reports to your phone's location where tomorrow will once again be sh*te......

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Well, hi there. Welcome to the easy listening sounds of this voicemail device......

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Wooshing sound Hello, we are home. We're still trying to catch something with this net..�

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You have just reached the amazing Ronfold phonomatic telephone answering machine.....

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! Nokia Ringtones & Operator Logos

You're through to Dial-a-Hit. You got someone out doing your girl, stealing your business, or just p***ing you off.....